Every girl knows 'The Rules' when it comes to dating. So why do all of these rules go out the window when we network. The intent may be different but many of 'the rules'can be applied. Whilst all women network the savvy ones 'datework'.
DATE:We have all actively pursued a man. Whether you have merely googled or actively stalked them, you know more than you would have learnt on a first date. If/when he asks you out it's best to keep this to yourself. Don't be the creep who tells the barista how he likes his coffee when he has never consumed one in your company.
NETWORKING: If there is someone you are dying to meet the chances are you have done your research. Business news sites, professional listings and key details are all helpful to understand the person and the way they work. However if they have a facebook page or you are party to rumours or gossip about them these are details to never divulge. You will look unprofessional and a potentially great contact will fail to return your emails. This is especially important if a friend of yours sets up the opportunity to meet. They too will look like someone to be wary of. The exception to the rule (almost) is celebrities. They are aware people know a lot of personal information about them, but even then isn't it better to hear about them, from then than appear to be someone who needs to be restained!
DATE: As a female you are brought up to believe it is best to make men wait. As you get older and start to attract male attention your mothers suggestion to 'wait till you have a ring on your finger' is exchanged for the worldly accepted '3 date rule'. Girls all over the world put in a little extra effort and preen head to toe in advance of this notorious evening. The more you like the man the more important this is thought to be. This allows for the dates with beautiful yet deadly dull men you never wish to waste an evening with again, to end in a passionate and hugely satisfying (hopefully) night at his.
NETWORKING: As a rule networking events should never end in sex. I do know of occassions which have done to various ends. Of course this doesn't equal the end of your career but generally it's best avoided and an aspect of your personality to keep separate. Industries are all smaller than you think and do it more than once and find yourself with a reputation. Sex aside the concept holding out remains. It is best to appear interesting, motivated and capable without divulging too much. Once someone is interested they will contact you to find out more if your businesses are compatible. Give them a card or your preferred contact and then move on. If you bombard someone on a 1st meeting with a million contact details- CEO's will not be instant messaging or skyping you anytime soon-links to every online domain where you appear and a copy of your cv that you carry 'just in case' ,they know everything they wanted to know and a lot more besides and are unlikely to contact you. Work on the basis of leaving them wanting more.
DATE: In general boys can drink more than girls, especially in a date setting where nerves and appetite suppressing butterflies play their part. It's best to try not to match drink for drink a 16st rugby playing hunk if you happen to be an 8st girl on the atkins diet! We've all drank too much on a 1st date at some point but most of these dates probably ended the same ways: boy was a gentleman and saw you home, you staggered home alone nauseous and proceeded to vomit, you spilled way too much personal information and regretted it, or you woke up at his the next morning with hazy memories and proceeded to do the walk of shame/stride of pride depending on how well you wear your hangover. Maybe you saw the guy again or maybe you didn't. A lot depends on how much he drank and his attitude towards drinking. Until you know each other a little better it is best not to test it. Anyway if it's a great date and the start of something it is nice to remember it. That said some great dates have been had when you are on the tipsy side but a lot of it is knowing your audience.
NETWORKING: A lot of specially set up events and corporate entertaining involves free flowing alcohol. This is a test in my opinion 'we dare you to stay sober enough to make this productive'. I even wonder if this is how small companies lure big names to help sell tickets "there's a free bar, any real timewasters will drink themselves into incapacity and you will never hear from them." It may seem like everyone around you is drinking all evening but those in the know cheat. Sparkling water with wedges of lime imitates g&t's. To make the most of the evening watch the consumption. You are unlikely to hear from any desired contact if you pull out a business card and in the process the contents of your handbag. It's hard to come back from having to pick a tampon out of their drink and a slurred apology. And for those who really do drink all night and stay sober, they probably arent powdering their noses the traditional way. Two words Keep Away.
DATE: Will he call/text/email/message/tweet/bbm? (life I imagine was easier when you only had to monitor 1 method of technology for signs of communication) Should you be the first one to make contact? The rules have relaxed. During a recent conversation with a friend awaiting a guy she liked to contact her, it was suggested that she could text him. Afterall if you have left things well and they like you it is pretty far fetched to believe that this would change if she sent a casual message. Aren't we too old for this game now anyway?
NETWORKING: If you found yourself really connecting with someone and ended your conversation on mutterings of getting in touch, feel free. If they happily handed over their contact details they are probably interested in hearing from you again, this is more positive than if they solely took yours. Keep it casual and follow up on your meeting, if nothing else it keeps you fresh in their mind. A quick email is fine.If you can ask an appropriate question that prompts an answer then great but this isn't always possible. A friend recently got a job she was underqualified for just by hand delivering her cv and following up with an email, she was the only candidate who went to the trouble. In the words of Destiny's Child do not become a 'bug-a-boo' and fill up peoples mailboxes!!!
DATE:Sometimes the best dates come from the worst situations. On a horrible day involving parking tickets, loss of keys and breaking a heel causing a fall, a close friend met her husband when he stopped to help her up. Coffee led to cocktails and subsequent dates and marriage! Sometimes the guy is wrong but if you both agree he might have a perfect friend or colleague. Internet or speed dating works for some. The key is saying yes and taking opportunities. Never underestimate a chance meeting.
NETWORKING: Pre-planned opportunities to network are great but don't overlook opportunities in life. People with great companies do temp jobs to cover quiet periods, maybe a mum you car pool with has some great contacts in your industry from her time as a PA. I met a great friend and business partner through answering an ad on gumtree for casual work. Yes we now work together but that was chance we hit it off as friends first. However let these meetings happen and relationships evolve naturally. If you go for dinner with a great guy who really seems to like you don't start dreaming about marriage and where you'll live before he finishes his first pint or there will been a tangible air of desperation that will scare him off. Similarly if you meet someone who may be connected in your area of interest don't spend all your time trying to download their phonebook and email contacts. Take time too to listen and enjoy their company.
Take every opportunity where it's offered because times are hard. People are generally happy to help but in business and even more importantly in life follow these rules to ensure long and happy relationships: Never take from people more than you are prepared to give and NEVER, EVER use people! Karma comes around so if you break the rules best keep one eye out!
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